A LA BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Yes, okay... so Tiger has had a few extramarital affairs. Maybe more than just a few. A bunch? A wack load? Too many? Not enough? A double bakers dozen? I don't know. Well one is too many in the eyes of morality, truth and righteousness, so ten plus and counting must be absurd, hell-bound, uncalled for - or one expansive tally des booties. Good for him. Well, good for his sexual drive, curiosity and locker room bragging, but not so good for his marriage, million dollar endorsement deals, (he'll lose some but not all, and probably get a few new ones too) and overall squeaky clean image and reputation on the course - give or take a few pissed off outbursts, club smashes and evil peers into gallery. Everyone in America cheats and divorces and shoots and shoots up and fills up and eats and smokes and drinks and pukes and fights and well - who cares? Losing money is not an issue to Tiger but losing face (the face he has built up with hard work, time and a lot of back swings) and the trust of his Swedish wife and mother of his children are. He could pay off ten million random chicks at a million a bang and still be left with over four hundred million in the bank. (Facts do not include factual information or the amount Eldrick will eventually have to pay off Elin - but he is filthy f'n rich alright!) Oh well. You win some you lose some. There's always the next hole, the next round, the next tournament, and there's always a lot of blonde haired and blue eyed beauty's in Sweden, but... These days, aren't there more important things to waste precious thinking power on other than Swedes, cheats and hush money? Do we really care this much about Tiger's private penile performances? Coast to coast conquests? His 'round the world whirlwinds? His unrelenting desire to have sex with someone other than his wife? I understand he is golf's best player and one of black America's most recognizable and influential living faces (eg. Oprah, Barack, Tony Dungy, Bill Cosby, Osama, and Wesley Snipes)- but there has to be something else out there. Baseball. Like how the Yankees are ruining the game I love with their astronomical and untouchable pay roll. It's the New York Bronx Bombin' unbeatable All-Stars vs. the rest of a league full of joke-loser nobodies with no chance in hell of winning. Play Ball! Yes, as December and Christmas roll in I'm worried about a golfer and baseball. I should be worried about the two essays and exams I should be delving into, but instead I'm delving into this blog. Ahhhhh! I should be counting my pennies, working the crowd or making a list and checking it twice! Instead, I'm glued to the TMZ or the MTV or the OMG for news of a new one. Another porn star? Vegas party slut? Are any of them black? Elin's best friend? His mother in law? This all means something. I must find out. No, but seriously...Isn't anyone worried about global warming anymore? Has Al Gore's relevance left town along with his will-power, self-respect and scientifically backed theory on atmospheric pollution and natural sources which will produce higher temperature changes in turn melting the glaciers? Aliens? Candy apple razor blades? How about the threat of nuclear and/or terrorist attacks? The Russians? Quebec? Tom Cruise? Bad cholesterol? Good cholesterol? Teacher/Student romances? What the hell have John Gosselin and Michael Lohan been up to in the past week? Is the tale of Tiger's wayward wang not only news but an even more perverted form of up to the minute ticker tracking trashy tv and magazine watching pure entertainment? Of course it is. Par for the course is the enrapture of America and beyond with Woods' wild tee-shot, for we all love a spectacular meltdown, especially on Sunday, on the last hole in front of everyone - a la Greg Norman, who just recently split from former tennis ace Chris Evert. Coincidences? The Shark? Tiger? Former blond star athlete? Former blond bikini model? The parallels are uncanny. Someone get Perez Hilton on the line. Now, or at east Katie or my mom, 'cause I have breaking news!