THE SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM IS YOU

Most, if not all people do not like certain things about themselves and in most cases would change said things if possible. Usually these things are genetically induced and are totally beyond that person's control to change. However, I think that we should embrace our differences and recognize them as potential advantages. For example, I am bald. Not because I burned my hair off in a flamethrower accident, lost it from going through chemo, or always wear one of those fake plastic bald head gag pieces. No, I am bald because my Mother's father was bald. I didn't choose to be bald, baldness chose me ( like John chose Yoko, unfortunately [in my opinion]). But I've learned to deal with, accept and live my life as a helpless victim of male patterned baldness. There's nothing much else I can do aside from wearing a ridiculously looking toupee, which screams desperation and looks as equally obvious as the attempts to cover up. I could attempt to re-grow my dormant follicles with one of those mostly burning scalp hair rejuvenating products a la Rogaine, or shape a hideous and out-dated comb-over. But I won't. I can't. I shall not. Although I wear a hat, (which I sport as an accessory rather than out of embarrassment), I live a free and relatively happy life as a bald, white Canadian male. After so many years of it wearing thin, I don't see my lack of blond locks (now they'd probably be salt 'n pepper) as a problem, I see it as a solution. For starters, being bald is extremely economical. I haven't spent a penny on a haircut, bad dye job, gel, shampoo, conditioner, brushes, elastic rubber bands, hairspray, combs, blow dryers or scrunchies - since the late 90's. I reckon I've saved thousands upon thousands of dollars on hair-care-related products and subsequent expenses. Which in turn saves me from craving the 'cut of the day.' You know, the bob, fade, shag, hockey haircut, Jennifer Aniston and the all too annoyingly popular faux hawk. This gives the impression that I'm a leader and not a follower of fads, when in fact I have no choice and my only do is out of necessity. Not only do I save money and face, but I save on time as well. I cut hours a year off of my drying off after shower routine. I don't have to worry about having to constantly flip my hair out of my eyes when I'm cruising hard in a drop top on a windy day, nor when I'm serving an important point during an important tennis match. When I'm eating, the only hair that I will find in my spaghetti and meatballs will not be mine, which is good for deduction purposes but not good for grossness purposes. If I ever get carded at the liquor store, all I have to do is take off my hat. "Oh, I'm sorry sir...". I don't get dandruff, lice, split ends, gum stuck in my hair, dry scalp or ever mistaken for a girl. Which is great, because I'm a guy. Also, girls (the real ones) love the smooth, slippery scalp of the bald man. I've never seen a woman drawn to run her fingers through the scraggly, oily scruff of a long-haired, but I've enjoyed (on numerous occasions) the innocent petting of a woman. If I'm sweating and standing in the rain - you can't tell the difference between the sweat and rain. Also, if I'm hot and go out into the cold, thus exposing my lid to the elements, it will emit cool smoke-like vapors into the atmosphere (I'm not sure how this is a solution to a problem but it looks neat). However, probably the most important thing about being an almost thirty year old bald dude, is that I will not be tempted into looking like a desperately clinging to youth almost forty year old pony tail dude. I'm comfortable being Mr. Clean's doppelganger, and so should you, with whatever it is you dislike about yourself. There's an advantage to being the too tall woman, the bespeckled short guy with the limp or the bug-eyed big-eared freak. Don't be ashamed of being the overweight girl who talks too much, the hairy guy who sweats profusely or the one armed old lady with blue hair and a lazy eye. We must take back the power given to us at birth and use our differences to make differences in our own lives. If society gives you lemons, take them, and squeeze the sour, stingy juices back into society's eyes - and then laugh, because you have won.