Am I mad? No. Dissapointed? Not really. Surprised? Oh, no. Then what's the problem? O ya, I know.

Big game last night. Intense, fast, furious and fun. The three f's, and the one I - perfect letters to use if you want to spell words that describe a Tuesday night pick-up hockey game in downtown Wheatley. You know something is extremely fun to do if you drive (well, Mike drove, I his trusty navigator) two hours round trip for that something that lasts only half the time of the drive (well, the game was a tiring hour and a half of back and forth action). Though our team was slightly outmatched in terms of skill, stamina, speed and overall hockey sense and ability - it did not deter us, the darks, from giving our all - though we probably lost by upwards of ten, fifteen or more. One thing I've blatantly realized during this whole return to the rink campaign is that the little things I took for granted as a youngster, the energy, the focus, especially the ability to make quick on the ice decisions have faded almost beyond being present at all. My mind understands and computes what needs to be done to complete the play, but it's the extremities - the arms, legs, hands and feet that are not registering the info efficiently enough or reacting as I want them to, in order to bring my game back to the level it once was at. Yes, I've lost a step over these last ten years of in-activeness, but I've also lost a reach, a shot and some major time lung capacity. I know what I want to do, but I just can't do it (in time or how I want it done) and the worst part about this lack of personal harmony is that I know that I used to be able to do it, so it is possible. Or is it? Mind you, since my playing days back in the 90's I have acquired asthma, a bad hip and back and many other little uncomfortable ailments detrimental to my game, but still...and the Wooderson (McConaughey's character in D&C) theory does little to help me here - "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age." I'm 30 and they're 20. I'm ten years removed from the glory days and they're two weeks away from legally drinking in the States. Multiple examples of my inadequacies surface every game, some more frustrating and crippling to the team and my advancement as a marquee shinny player, than others. Eg. # 1 - Waiting for the puck along the half boards in my own zone, I am unable to clear the puck in time, or if I do make a pass it is ill-advised, stolen, kept in our end and turned into an offensive chance. I can't react fast enough to the situation before another player is on me, and sometimes it seems as if I can't see the ice as well as I used to. It's as if no one is open. Is this in reaction to my age? Skill? Or a mean combination of my time away from the game and diminishing athletic ability? Hmmm. How can you get better in time, when you're best times have already come and gone? When time is gone, what is the motivating factor to get better? Your peers? Better health? To not embarrass yourself? Your g/f promising that she'll ditch the Facebook if you play? It's not like the speed, agility and endurance are there. Cultivation plus practice no longer tally up to success. These are the things I took for granted when I was younger that have vanished along with the hair on my head. Eg. # 2 - Skating full force and with a purpose towards the opposing net, with my stick on the ice and head up, I await for a cross ice pass, but when it comes I am handcuffed by my own stick, the skates of defenders, proximity to the net and the speed of the pass, in turn leading to a complete whiff on the sure open net goal. Dammit! Again, reaction time, hand-eye-coordination and just plain hockey sense abandon me at my time of need. An age issue? (no endurance, inability to sacrifice body, loss of speed) Deteriorating skill? (shot power/accuracy, stick handling, skating, ice vision) or a mean combo? Hmmm. Eg. # 3 - Towards the end of the game, the puck squirts loose at my own blue-line and a sprint for the puck leads me on a break the other way. Down the right wing and full steam ahead I enter the opposing end, but in fear of being chased down from behind I hurriedly snap a hard shot that rings off the post. Although I almost score, it's this lack of confidence in, not only my break-away moves but my fleeting speed that lead to the below average snapper from just beyond the hash marks. Age? Skill or a mean combo? What is most frustratingly demoralizing are the times when I am in proper position, have a bead on the puck but don't have the legs to get there. Or when I do get there and a fight for the puck ensues, then I give up half way through the battle due to fatigue. Sustainable energy is my greatest but most elusive ally in my fight vs. the other team. Mike says I look composed out there, but sometimes I am anything but. However, besides these minor inconveniences, the second phase of my hockey career has been truly fun, a tremendous work-out and a great way to blow off some steam in the arena of competitiveness and camaraderies.