Hmmm

For years I've always thought that acquiring and having money is not necessary to achieving happiness. I still believe that, but I'm not that demented to wholeheartedly believe that happiness is entirely free. At the very least being happy is being alive and to be alive depends on one's ability to survive ---- which costs money. One still needs money to buy stuff necessary for survival. (eg. food, shelter, booze, shoes, cigarettes, prescription glasses if your eyesight is poor, a bike for transportation if your car is broken down, a glass of red wine here and there, you know, necessary for survival things.) Anyways, I need to make money. But how? In an economy such as ours, traditional work is on the way out. Factories and schools are closing and as the population gets older, serviceable products seem harder and harder to define. People need more these days, that's a given, and as we've already learned from the 'Net and such, they want it to be new, fast and as close to free as possible. So, what kind of service could I offer to people that is original, sought after and inexpensive, but not so inexpensive that I don't make money off of it? Hmmm. Well, I guess the best place to start is with the consumers themselves. What do people like, need or want these days? I mean, what could I trick people into thinking they like, need or want? Let's see here. Hmmm. Sex. Always the classic answer. Booze and cigarettes or any kind of stimulant/downer/over-the-counter narcotic/etc. Yes, time-honoured favourites as well. Something technological or at least something resembling something that is technological. Something shiny and soft. Something that celebrities have on the cover of supermarket smut that normal people want but could never afford or even make practical use of. Something turquoise. Because turquoise is the new pink, which was the old black, which is... hmmm. Jesus and Barack are big right now. You know, the economy being what it is and all. Bail-outs, Fall-outs and flash-floods are also popular. Something that is small and portable but big and loud enough so everyone can see and hear how cool it is. Something tasty but not too sweet. Something with a stupid name that means nothing unless you have it. Hmmm. This is going to be tougher than I thought. Something that communicates easily with and connects many people over different cultures in the shortest amount of time. Got it. I will create an alternate universe (or purchase a warm, friendly, habitable, but not yet populated planet for a reasonable price) without borders where there is one language, no law and ample amounts of cold dark beer. People are always naked (almost everyone), telling jokes and laughing. There is no work because there is no money because there is nothing to buy since jealousy, materialism, competition, consumerism and popularity do not exist. Humans are celebrities and the President of our planet is my neighbour Steve. (Actually, there is no President so Steve may as well be) People freely and without danger swim with sharks. Polar bears often come over for Sunday dinner and sex and fun have replaced death and taxes. Cats ride bicycles and babies mix drinks. There are no jobs just things we have to do before we sleep, if we choose to sleep (eg. play sports, help others, enjoy life). There are no carpets just lush grass and people often sing instead of talking. Books exist only in our minds and gas is blood. However, nobody bleeds because pain is pleasant and there is no use for gas since we don't believe in technological advancement. There is no famine only families. One large family. Nothing is worth more than human consciousness, so no precious metals or minerals exist. We survive off the land, each other and the belief that every day will be greater than the last. This great land of happiness, peace and hope shall be called Hmmm. A perfectly simple yet equally ridiculous name that means nothing except to its people. Hmmm, seems easy enough. Now I just have to get a job and make some money so I can fund this little project.